Sitting at my desk, watching the day slip by entirely too fast, wondering what happened to the last 2 weeks that looked so long and empty and full of free time that I could use to do the tons of things I wanted to accomplish, I find myself pondering goals. Generally I don’t do goals. I find that it’s a good way to make myself feel like a failure, because I rarely accomplish my goals, and they end up sitting in a big messy list on a sheet of paper that’s gotten yellowed over the course of its unaccomplished life.
I keep coming across other peoples’ lists and goals in blogs, and wondering if I should maybe do the same?
Looking back over the past year, it’s been kind of a hard one in some ways. Things I expected to happen didn’t quite work out. I stayed at my job longer than I meant to. Other people got things I was hoping for. I don’t feel like getting into any details, but I’ve felt suffocated by disappointments and I’m ready to let go of 2007.
Yet there were good things too. I suppose I could list my top 10 highlights of 2007 or something, and maybe I will. But I haven’t decided yet.
Looking forward to 2008 is scarier than I thought it would be. I’ll be quitting my full-time job at the end of February to pursue wedding photography, but I’ll be staying at my job (or something very similar at least) for an 18-hour part-time schedule. The problem is, I can’t seem to be able to book any more weddings. We only have 4 booked for the whole year. After several meetings, some of them which seemed very promising, I haven’t heard back from anyone. I’m sure we can at least survive on Darek’s salary, but if things don’t change, it’s going to be a tough year.
I go back to work tomorrow and I’m dreading it. My office is dark and the walls are that hideous non-color. After 2 weeks of puttering around the house, spending time with a close friend who was in town for a few days, getting the house cleaner than it’s been in a long time, painting the living room a new, much better color, sleeping in late, and never looking at the clock, the thought of sitting in that office for 8 hours makes me want to crawl in a hole and hide.
I know all about that hole.
I’m sorry things aren’t going your way. They will. You care about so many things and so many people and you take real care with the tasks and projects you take on. Maybe the Lord is preparing you to write that next chapter of your life. I love you.
– Dad